So What Is In That Little Circle?

cropped-24ca09d5-d9fe-4760-84fe-fb88c810fef9.jpegOur best friends live in New Mexico. While visiting there once I was looking for symbols of the phoenix, the bird that burns up and then rises from the ashes a fresh, new creature. The only symbol I found was this “prayer bowl.” It was made inside a tiny gourd with tiny seed beads. I have used it to remind me that whatever challenges I go through with my health, I will rise again through the strength of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit.

I chose this as my symbol for the blog because I continue to be inspired by God. I also gave the design to a woman in Silver City, New Mexico. She was able to create a beaded bracelet that blesses my soul and reminds me to stay in prayer. Within this poem you can see my struggle and victory revealed. Hope you are encouraged by reading it!

In 1998 I wrote The Ogre of Pain © 1998 Molly Lin Dutina

If  let myself feel the pain will I become intoxicated with the pain?
Overwhelmed by the pain
will my life then become JUST PAIN with no other
sensation, value, or purpose?
Will I be consumed with gauging the pain
sitting in the pain
walking in the pain?
All my perceptions dulled except to pain
under pain
in pain
pain through and through
pain behind me
ahead of me pain
on all sides of me pain
above me
beneath me
life reduced
to pain
in every cell pain
Sleeplessness because of pain
Restless when sleeping due to pain

If I acknowledge the pain will I have
fortitude and courage to live beyond the pain,
Somehow given grace to override the pain,
not censor it
ignore it
deny it
but live a life in the midst of pain
always haunted by pain?
Pain of bone deterioration,
random muscle pain,
unwarranted from any strain or excess.

Pain my life
drugged or not
my partner
companion in my genes
product of ancestral history or just misfortune?

For years my life has been
pain denial pain drugs pain hope pain drained-of-hope pain denial
I am afraid that no,
the pain will never end, or, even worse,
the pain will increase
envelop, dictate, control my life.

There, I’ve written it. Many marvel that I’m so busy
try to accomplish so much.
They are not acquainted
with my relentless task master
who drives me on with fear
that my capacity to accomplish anything
will one day be diminished to near zero.

Jesus awoke in the boat and said, “Why are you so afraid?”

Yet then,
through Him, I’ll arise
a phoenix intercessor on behalf of God’s children
engaged perhaps in the biggest battle of life to date.
A supreme calling more valuable than my do-ings.
With bones cracking, muscles aching, nerves shooting
red hot signals to nowhere and everywhere
outer body diminishing
while inner woman draws upon her experience with
the living, dynamic, omnipotent Father and
she is renewed, remade in His image,
inhabited daily, hourly,
in every cell of her being
by Holy Spirit
overshadowed, indwelt
in spite of all this carnal container can develop –
a woman of God
passing through
journeying towards home
where all sorrow, all tears, and
all pain will be no more.
Forever inhabited by Holy Spirit
in rapturous adoration
of His glory
and mercy.
Even so, Lord Jesus,
I offer myself a living sacrifice unto You.
Renew my mind according to the word
and transform even this pain.

The ogre crumbles,
rivulets of plaster dust
falling from its once daunting facade
gathering in powder clumps
revealing its paltry nature.

The Holy Spirit, Breath of God, blows away that powder and creates new power in His servant. Amen.