Annie and Me

Christians who write poetry always interest me as that is my bent also. Christians who have chronic illness and write poetry interest me even more! Recently on a radio program I heard Ravi Zacharias quote a poem by Annie Johnson Flint and was moved to look up her biography. One story is told that “She had been brought up with a sturdy independence. She still struggled to make ends meet. She still sought to cut down expenses in order that she might be able to pay as she went. The thought of charity was obnoxious to her. She loved to give to others and help those who were in need, but to receive from others—that was quite another matter. The breaking down of her prejudice in this sphere came about in a very simple way. One of the boarders staying at the house where she lived, when saying good-bye, tactfully slipped into her hand a gift of money. This was the first time such a thing had ever happened, and Annie’s pride was up in arms at once. The woman evidently noticed a difference in her manner and explained that she wished to leave some remembrance with her, but not knowing what her special need might be, thought it better to let her choose. Then she added something which went home. Annie never forgot it. She said, “You know Jesus Christ said ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive,’ but how can there be any givers to whom the blessing can come unless there are those who are willing to receive? It takes two halves to make a whole” Then she appealed to Annie and asked if their positions were reversed and she had the means, would she not be glad to give? This turned things around so completely that she had to admit that she had no right to withhold from others the blessing of giving. She took the gift so kindly meant, and tried to be a willing receiver if that would help some giver to obtain a blessing. Her life was lived, as someone has said, from hand to mouth, but as she liked to have it expressed, the mouth was hers, and the hand was God’s and His hand was never empty.” https://www.preceptaustin.org/annie_johnson_flints_biography

When I was very a very young Christian with a very young child I suffered a back injury. The women of the church decided to come and help me. It was difficult for me to receive from them. They mopped my floors, changed my daughter’s diapers, brought in food, tried to encourage and comfort me. My mother had drummed into me about “more blessed to give than to receive.” I had to learn how to receive thankfully and humbly. It was a very difficult lesson for me. I stumbled again and again over my pride.”The thought of charity was obnoxious to her.” In this Annie had to learn the same lessons God asked me to learn.

Pride © Molly Lin Dutina Pride – oh that hateful force which comes from the heart of man and defiles him (MK 7:22). The pride of life is not of the Father, but it is of the world (1JN2:16). When a man is lifted up with pride he falls into the condemnation of the devil (1 TIM 3:6).

                Jesus gave himself fully and willingly for our sakes. He didn’t die to wash away just part of our sins. He was God’s complete and thorough sacrifice. Are we fully committed to Jesus for the sacrifice He made for us?              

                God has given us gifts to use and jobs to do to further His Kingdom. We are to try, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to do our best in all things as unto the Lord (EPH 6:5-6). However, it is difficult to render service when the service is unwanted or denied. It is equally difficult for our Father to give to us if we refuse to receive.

                 “You will never wash my feet—ever!” Peter said. Jesus replied, “If I don’t wash you, you have no part with Me.” (JN 13:8 HCSB)  From this we know that if we do not let Jesus help us, wash us, and enter every part of our lives, then we are keeping apart from Him.

                “I assure you with all truth, a slave is not superior to his master, nor one who is sent to the one who sent him. If you know these teachings, blessed are you if you practice them.” (JN 13:16-17) God has a plan for each of us to follow in serving Him. That plan includes other people. In His service, we can learn the Lord’s consternation as He stands at the door and knocks. It is impossible to help or serve other people if their pride refuses to let us enter.

                Our pride, (which is of the world) has taken Scripture, (which is God’s Holy Word) and twisted it to the point where many of us fail to recognize and receive gifts from our heavenly Father. Acts 20:35 states, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Oh, how many of us have been brainwashed with the abuse of this Scripture, heading worldly doctrines of pride, to the point where we can’t receive from others? Jesus also said, “Freely you have received, freely give.” (MT 10:8) We aren’t taught very much about the Lord’s attitude in this age. In fact, we are skeptical of anything given without cost.

                Do we receive freely from our Heavenly Father? Have we taken Him up on all that is offered to us? Do we receive freely from our brothers and sisters in Christ? Or do they and the Father have to stop just short of our pride, knocking humbly at the door, wanting to freely give to us and provide that which will help further the kingdom of God? Are we slowing His progress by being too proud to receive?

                “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (PROV 16:18)

“Continue your love to those who know you, your righteousness to the upright in heart. May the foot of the proud not come against me, nor the hand of the wicked drive me away.” (PS 36:10-11 NIV)

Is the thought of receiving obnoxious to you? “How can there be any givers to whom the blessing can come unless there are those who are willing to receive ? It takes two halves to make a whole.” If you remain unwilling, how then will you ever receive the good your heavenly Father has in store for you? Open your hands, your heart and your life to His giving. He most often does that from one person to another!

Broken by Nouwen

To continue my review of Henri Nouwen’s book Life of the Beloved, Spiritual Living in a Secular World I want to look today at the concepts of Broken. Ann Voskamp has also written a terrific book about Brokenness entitled The Broken Way.

I learned from Nouwen to tell others that we are all broken, (with my addendum), some just hide it better than others. Nouwen writes: “You are a broken man. I am a broken man, and all the people we know or know about are broken. I am more grateful for a person who can acknowledge that I am very alone in my pain than for someone who tries to tell me that there are many others who have a similar or a worse pain. Our brokenness is truly ours. Nobody else’s. Our brokenness is an unique as our chosenness and our blessedness.”

She is so right!

Nouwen worked for years in a community with severely handicapped men and women. He learned “It is much easier to accept the inability to speak, walk, or feed oneself than it is to accept the inability to be of special value to another person. We human beings can suffer immense deprivations with great steadfastness, but when we sense that we no longer have anything to offer anyone, we quickly lose our grip on life.” This concept was also addressed by Viktor E. Frankl in his work Man’s Search For Meaning. Whether severely handicapped or newly diagnosed with a limiting physical problem, we need to realize that God’s ability to use us in His work never ends. Nouwen continues, “Instinctively we know that the joy of life comes from the ways in which we live together and that the pain of life comes from the many ways we fail to do that well.”

He posits two responses to brokenness: “first, befriending it and, second, putting it under the blessing. My own experience with anguish has been that facing it and living it through, is the way to healing. The deep truth is that our human suffering need not be an obstacle to the joy and peace we so desire, but can become, instead, the means to it. The great secret of the spiritual life, the life of the Beloved Sons and Daughters of God, is that everything we live, be it gladness or sadness, joy or pain, health or illness, can all be part of the journey toward the full realization of our humanity.” Wow! Isn’t that what Jesus calls us to? The full realization of our humanity and His indwelling power? I am amazed every single time I review the material in this book.

The second response is “the great spiritual call of the Beloved Children of God to pull their brokenness away from the shadow of the curse and put it under the light of the blessing.” This can make it “an opportunity to purify and deepen the blessing that rests upon us. Physical, mental or emotional pain lived under the blessing is experienced in ways radically different from physical, mental or emotional pain lived under the curse.” To understand his teaching more fully, please read his book.) “What seemed intolerable becomes a challenge.And so the great task becomes that of allowing the blessing to touch us in our brokenness.”

He also points out that different twelve-step programs are all ways of putting our brokenness under the blessing and thereby making it a new way of life. “All addictions make us slaves, but each time we confess openly our dependencies and express our trust that God can truly set us free, the source of our suffering becomes the source of our hope.” Below are the first 7 steps…

  • Step 1 – We admitted we were powerless over our dependencies – that our lives had become unmanageable
  • Step 2 – Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
  • Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
  • Step 4 – Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  • Step 5 – Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  • Step 6 – Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  • Step 7 – Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Next entry I will address the concept of Given.

Henri J. M. Nouwen

I have learned so much from reading Henri Nouwen and practicing his truths. One of his books that impacted me deeply is “Life of the Beloved.” He subtitled it “Spiritual Living in a Secular World.” He based his discussion to his friend Fred upon the principles of being taken (chosen), blessed, broken and given. I re-read this with some regularity.

I am certain you can obtain it new, used, online, as audiobook and/or at your local library. My copy is 119 pages. A rather easy read, but teaches deep wisdom it may take years to grasp for your own life.

If you are familiar with Scripture, you likely already know 1 Corinthians 11:23-25 (NRSV)  For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took a loaf of bread,  and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”  In the same way he took the cup also, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” These words are often repeated in Communion. Nouwen says we too, are taken (and he means chosen out of the world), blessed, broken and given.

“The Lord Jesus took a loaf of bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it”

I am uncertain how much I can quote without infringing legally, but here are a few of his ideas. “The great spiritual battle begins – and never ends – with the reclaiming of our chosenness. Being chosen is the basis for being the Beloved. It is a lifelong struggle to claim that chosenness, but also a lifelong joy. ” He stresses that this is not a competition or one upmanship over others. This is the work of God, not men. We are taken by God.

Blessed: “I know how moody you and I can be. One day we feel great, the next we feel miserable.These mood swings show that we no longer hear the blessing that was heard by Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob, Leah and Rachel and Jesus of Nazareth and that we, too, are to hear. …When we continue to hear the deep gentle voice that blesses us, we can walk through life with a stable sense of well-being and true belonging.”

“The feeling of being blessed is not, it seems to me, the feeling that we generally have about ourselves.” He suggests “claiming your blessedness by cultivation of presence. By presence I mean attentiveness to the blessings that come to you day after day, year after year.” There are entire movements now supporting this practice. Nouwen was on to it in 1992 when he published this and likely for years before! I must say it helped when just a few moments ago I was measuring bleach for the laundry load and dropped the entire bottle of bleach into the washer. First off, I was so grateful the clothes were not yet in the washer and I could simply set it to rinse and drain! Second off, it would have been so much worse had I dropped it on myself or the floor!

I will address his concepts of broken and given on another day.

Pescadero and Streams in the Desert

In 2016 we visited my husband’s family in California. His brother and sister-in-law told us about a place called Pebble Beach. Not the place in southern California where they play golf. This is a special attraction like no other beach in California. They warned us that collecting was prohibited there.

My husband found the location with no trouble. As we approached the walkway down we noticed two women coming up from the beach. One had a large 5 gallon bucket with a lid from the hardware store. She immediately put it down and sat on it. Her friend continued on to their vehicle with a small shovel. We wondered to ourselves if they had been collecting pebbles?

Was I ever surprised at the sight!

Yes! A close up of the same rock because it is so amazing! Those are tiny ocean formed pebbles in the openings the ocean carved into the larger rocks!

“When My glory passes by, I will put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with My hand until I’ve passed by.” Exodus 33:22

I have been reading the devotional Streams in the Desert for many, many years. Originally published in 1928, it has been reproduced in many forms including an online format. I was astounded this morning when I read this entry from July 7th and realized I knew exactly where they were writing about! They record the experience this way: “There is a very famous “Pebble Beach” at Pescadero, on the California coast. The long line of white surf comes up with its everlasting roars, and rattles and thunders among the stones on the shore.

“They are caught in the arms of the pitiless waves, and tossed and rolled, and rubbed together, and ground against the sharp-grained cliffs. Day and night forever the ceaseless attrition goes on – never any rest. And the result?

“Tourists from all the world flock thither to gather the round and beautiful stones. They are laid up in cabinets; they ornament the parlor mantels. But go yonder, around the point of the cliff that breaks off the face of the seas; and up that quiet cove, sheltered from the storms, and lying ever in the sun, you shall find abundance of peebles that have never been chosen by the traveler.

MIND YOU in 1928 and before, there was not a prohibition against collecting. For more information about this beach, actually called Bean Hollow State Beach, see https://www.californiabeaches.com/beach/pebble-beach-at-bean-hollow-state-beach/

It explains in some detail the tree like formation in the tafoni rocks in first photos published here.

Oblique, Obscure, or Transparent

Oblique has many definitions including misleading or dishonest, not direct. Obscure can mean out of sight, hidden, not readily noticed of seen, inconspicuous, not clearly understood or expressed, ambiguous or vague.

Lord, I do not want my writings to be oblique or obscure when it comes to my relationship with you. Help me bring You into the foreground! You kept us on that journey of 7,000 miles and even more so this journey of almost 49 years of marriage. And You have definitely kept me on this journey of almost 69 years of life. I want to declare Your glory and Your hand in my life!

Song of Songs 6:2-3 (NRSV)  My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to pasture his flock in the gardens, and to gather lilies.  I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he pastures his flock among the lilies.

Day 14th on the road: We drove from Nevada into Arizona and what a blessing! After all the junk of Las Vegas, after Hoover Dam, we entered a seeming wonderland as roadside flowers burst into bloom before us along Route 93! Not the deadly poppies of the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz, but natural beauty brought about by God’s grace. There had been significant snowfall and the abundance of flowers reflected it! What a delight. We stopped at a tourist information stand place in Kingman to see if they had a folder on spring blooms. They did not but the lady at the desk was eager to assist us. She called up a website on her computer. I knew a few of the flowers, but here is the listing she showed us: California poppy, lupine, desert asters, penstemon, scorpion weed, globe mallow, brittle bush and Indian paintbrush. Enjoy!

Song of Songs 2:12 (NRSV)  The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.


Matthew 6:28-29 (NRSV)  And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin,  yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.

Lord, instead of only having these grow in hidden places where few would get to see them, You let them grow and bloom right along the roadside for travelers to enjoy. I thank You. Help me remember that my journey here on earth is only for a short time, just like the flowers.

1 Peter 1:23-25 (NRSV)  You have been born anew, not of perishable but of imperishable seed, through the living and enduring word of God.  For “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls,  but the word of the Lord endures forever.” That word is the good news that was announced to you. (also Isaiah 40:7-8)

My Head and My Ears

Someone asked me recently if I found it difficult to make a silent retreat. Frankly, I find it more difficult to keep a daily time of quiet.

In Scripture it says Jesus often went to pray at the Mount of Olives. It also mentions praying at the Garden of Gethsemane. http://israeljerusalem.com/garden-gethsemane-mount-olives.htm says “The Garden of Gethsemane is located just east of Jerusalem, across the Kidron Valley, at the foot of Mount of Olives.” Either place, it was a place of prayer and surrender. Help me abide there, Jesus, even when It requires suffering as You did, Lord. Help me, Lord, to yield gracefully to You.

He went to the Mount of Olives, to Gethsemane, as was His custom, to pray. I want to enter into Your Presence with all of me and receive everything I need from all of You.

The mountain signifies? Well, any mountain can be remote, removed from daily human life. Take me Lord to Your mountain. Lead me, speak to me. Help me to do Your will. I wait for You in meditation and peace, listening and trying to only listen … not plan or use words, just listen for Your voice.

Listening is hard work. Silencing thoughts is extremely difficult and it takes practice. Hundreds if not thousands of judgements, decisions, conclusions per minute occur in our brains and per half hour is an equally ridiculous number. So to be still is almost beyond us in 2019 without practice and discipline.

Your ear canal is small. I once broke off a pencil eraser in mine, As a child, I found math excruciatingly hard. My father died of heart disease when I was eleven. He was the family member who always helped me with my math. Working at math homework sometime after he died, I was so frustrated, I stuck my pencil in my ear and before I knew it had broken off the eraser in my ear. I feared to tell my mother. Within a few days my ear told my mother. The doctor looked in my ear, saw it was blocked and prepared to suction my ear out. Eventually, we heard a “Pop” and the tiny eraser bounced across the floor. Yes, I had some explaining to do! You know the approximate size of your ear canal if you ever tried to find the perfect fit of earbuds for music. Notice most are sold with various sizes of interchangeable tips!

Now I find my ears are too clean (according to the ENT specialist) likely because I have slept with ear plugs for years. When I focus on my challenge of getting quiet, the trouble is not with my ears so much as in my head.

Imagine this familiar image with ears!

My head ( my home) is clogged with all those thoughts, judgments, etc. per minute. Slowing down the tide, clearing the channel bed, aiming for listening and inner silence is hard. I am not talking about vacating my soul – just getting still as God commands us in Isaiah 46:10 “BE STILL and know that I am God.” Can you be still? Not more than a moment without the discipline of practice. When you turn off all of your devices, you still have to quiet your mind. Good luck with that!

Practice! Practice! Practice!

Me, GE, Whirlpool and Maytag

As a nanny, helping with infant twins and a four year old I learned to do laundry by rote. Then moved on to help with a family with infant triplets. Three loads a day seemed to be the minimum amount. I called it bringing order out of chaos. Doing laundry for our family of four was relatively simple after that.

Then our family dwindled to three and eventually just the two of us.

I found when my adult kids were behind in their household affairs or in crisis, I could always do laundry for them.

When my son faced a recent health crisis, on many levels there was little I could do to resolve the situation. But I could always do laundry. Load after load, seemingly endless amounts of underwear then britches, a few shirts, and bed linens. I can always do laundry.

The rhythm of sorting, loading, changing machines to dry the fabrics, then the meditative process of folding and sorting into piles. Yes, I can always do laundry.

Stain treatment is likely to involve the pent-up energy of other unresolved situations, but the stains eventually yield, if not totally, then enough to reflect my efforts.

Yes, I can always do laundry… and when I am too old or frail to do laundry, hopefully my children will do the laundry for me. May I not prove to be a burden to them or crisis for them to resolve.

Changes Later in the Year

When I started writing my blog Treasures in Plain Sight I thought I would need another one for poetry, etc. so I began Stand and Tip. Now that I am more experienced in the practice of posting I think I will take my husband’s advice and consolidate the two blogs into one. When it is time to pay Word Press again I will let you know a few days in advance to expect only one blog from me with both kinds of writing.

So when I wrote “Tiny Baby in the Background” in 2014 I never thought it would be posted for the whosoever to read. But I am so glad you care enough to read my things and hopefully take some comfort with you.

Tiny baby in the background crying, crying
and I am drawn to her
as the tiny baby inside me
cries write it, write it

Struggling under the fog of constant pain
drugs, drugs,
distraction to nth degree
rock that baby and hold her
comfort her, rock her

Unconditional love and kindness
will prove again the victor
as, given time,
the words will come
Be at peace

The Holy Wild

Mark Buchanan wrote a book called The Holy Wild. Mine is copyrighted 2003. Ann Voskamp refers to it in 1,000 Gifts. I finally bought it and am loving every chapter!

holy wild

He mentions that God makes only three promises with a guarantee. He guarantees that If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

Also 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 (NIV2011) “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it. “

And he says God is faithful to get us home to Him citing, Luke 10:20 that our names are written in heaven. He writes, “It’s written there, not by your hand or by your work, but by God alone. None of it depends on you. It all depends on the God who promised. And He is always true to Himself.”

All of this was rolling around when I wrote about my house of cards augmented with Lotions and Potions. Psalm 71:5-9 (NRSV)  For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O LORD, from my youth.  Upon you I have leaned from my birth; it was you who took me from my mother’s womb. My praise is continually of you.  I have been like a portent to many, but you are my strong refuge.  My mouth is filled with your praise, and with your glory all day long.  Do not cast me off in the time of old age; do not forsake me when my strength is spent.

The Lord did take me from my mother’s womb. My parents told the story that I was a “blue baby.” When my lungs began to work my Dad wanted to call me “Cherry”. My mother compromised with Cheryl. I began seeking the Lord as a child, especially after my Dad died when I was eleven years old. At first, I was likely trying to find a father-figure replacement. And wow, did I! The Father of Lights, holy and almighty. He assures me in Psalm 71 that he will not leave me now that I am aging.

I have been reading a book by Maeve Binchy entitled Echoes. In this book set in the 1950’s there is a character whose mother has crippling arthritis. I am thinking likely rheumatoid, because I have osteo and have some different symptoms. As my hands get weaker and lose their flexibility, I am comforted that so far, typing does not cause the discomfort that writing by hand does. Bob reminds me that there is software for dictation and typing out there, encouraging me to keep on with this writing discipline.

Though many times I write about “circumstantial, the insubstantial, the ephemeral. Do not rejoice in what can be here today, gone tomorrow, in things whose roots are in thin soil, whose footings are in sand” as Buchanan says. Though I sometimes write like that, I am hearing the Lord in that lovely bird chirping outside my window. The one I can hear but not see whose chirping seems to fit perfectly with the recording of “Verdi Without Words” that I am listening to as I write.

Do not cast me off in the time of old age;                                                         do not forsake me when my strength is spent.

Psalm 71: 9 New Revised Standard

And so my life goes forward, I am spending my writing life trying to put into words my life with God, the Holy Wild One, the God who walks with me on “My Companioned Way.” And as Kari Jobe sings so beautifully ..

Her lyrics are “You amaze me, redeem me and call me as Your own” and I would add “You amaze me sustain me, and call me as Your own!” The lyrics were written by Austin Davis, Ben Davis, Dustin Davis, Dustin Sauder, Grant Pittman, Kari Jobe, Marty Sampson and Mia Fieldes! That is a bunch of inspiration and input!

At Times, I Can Feel Him

On rare and holy moments, I can feel God rushing over me. There is a sense of something other than myself at work. Acts 2:1-4 (MSG) says  “When the Feast of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Without warning there was a sound like a strong wind, gale force—no one could tell where it came from. It filled the whole building. Then, like a wildfire, the Holy Spirit spread through their ranks, and they started speaking in a number of different languages as the Spirit prompted them.”

You know they had to FEEL something with all that movement. I recently bought the new Toby Mac recording called “The Elements.” The lyrics to this song caught my attention the other day. Hope it blesses you, too!

Lotions and Potions

Many times my health seems like a house of cards!House Of Cards

I live in a  rather precarious balance. I actually think we all do! We act and think as if we are invulnerable to illness and misfortune. Then “WHAM!!” a virus hits and knocks us on our keester, as happened to me last week. I was going along fine, doing my chosen duties and chores, visiting with church members, crocheting and then suddenly ill. Sneezing that would not stop. Aches, pains, and

return of the dreaded vertigo!

house of cards falling

As I tried to recover and then was hit AGAIN by same virus six days later I remembered this verse I have been working on for several months. Might make you smile!

Lotions and Potions© 2018 Molly Lin Dutina
Lotions and potions
Creams, salves and plasters
Ointments and eye drops
Nose sprays and gases

Capsules and pills
Over counter and script
So many helpful
And such side effects!

?Whatever did grandma do
Without all this help?

We moan and complain
Living longer and longer
Avoiding suffering
the world takes as common

Forgive us and grant us grace,
Compassion for those
Whose suffering
we simply cannot suppose

Flu shots and shingles
Skyrocket in prices
Lidocaine patches in hundreds of dollars

Oh, dear Doctor,
Protect our wallets!!
Prescribe generics
For these geriatrics
We are going to be here much longer ..
Hope you saved up for
The Golden years that
Take all your gold!

 

November 2018

Shores of Living Water© 2018 Molly Lin Dutina

At the shores of Living Water
Hear crickets there

dscn4880
Flow of Living Water invites me deeper,
Quieter
Center in pure love

dscn4878
You died to give me radiant love
Your Spirit pulls me from the rubble of death
With Your power You breathe life into me
Help me live to You
Invade me at a greater depth
Use me as Your singing bowl
Your love and power going forth
Like sound waves in every direction
Bring the world into vibrating harmony.

You said all weary and
Heavy burdened should come to You
Here we are
Please rest us in Your Presence

Breathing in You
Breathing out me
Your oxygen of Life
My troubles unpacked
Burdens taken from my arms
Cares cast and put down

Embers of my faith
Blown upon
Rekindled
Ignited
A light in the darkness
And darkness cannot put it out

img_2899-1-e1546982654412.jpg

Your call
eclipses physical pain
Straightens my spine
In service to You
Anointing by eternal power
Holiness of God in broken vessel
Yet renewed day by day
As Living Water
I yield to Your flow
The I seeks lowest ground
You in ascendancy.

 

Water photos by Robert M Dutina

Music as Poetry

Have you ever listened to “Rach 3?”  If you prefer not to listen to the entire thing, please at least listen to the opening melody. It runs throughout the piece in several variations. It also runs through my soul.

I am learning so much about the different interpretations of this piano piece as I listen to different recordings.   The haunting melody that runs through it is thought perhaps to be something that Sergei Rachmaninoff derived “from an ancient chant of the Russian Orthodox church, sung in the Monastery of the Cross, near Kiev.” I would love to know if anyone has tracked this down, and if so, how are the lyrics translated? “The composer denied the influence.” Perhaps I will make up my own worship lyrics to the melody!

I was blessed to get to hear a live performance recently at the CSO. This piece has the reputation of being the most difficult in standard piano repertoire.   My husband made a gallant effort to attend about 48 hours after his pacemaker surgery, though this form of entertainment is not his favorite. He knew I would be pleased. When the first movement began my grin split my face ear to ear! So exciting to see and hear this extremely difficult piece played live and in person for the very first time!

img_2880.jpg
Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra with Kirill Gerstein at the piano, January 5, 2019

Meanwhile Back to Advent

Though currently used as a metaphor for silence and no communication, the sound of Crickets can mean peace. In some cultures crickets were kept as pets. If they stopped chirping at night it was likely some human was moving around.

Here is one of my  recent journal reflections that prompted the explanation above.

Shores of Living Water © 2018 Molly Lin Dutina

At the shores of Living Water
Hear crickets there

IMG_2433
Flow of Living Water invites me deeper
Quieter
Center in pure love
You died to give me radiant love
Your Spirit pulls me from the rubble of death
With Your power You breathe life into me
Help me live to You
Invade me at a greater depth

Use me as Your singing bowl
Your love and power going forth
Like sound waves in every direction
Bring the world into vibrating harmony

You said all weary and
Heavy burdened should come to You
Here we are
Please rest us in Your Presence

Breathing in You
Breathing out me
Your oxygen of Life
My troubles unpacked
Burdens taken from my arms
Cares cast and put down

Embers of my faith
Blown upon
Rekindled
Ignited
A light in the darkness
And darkness cannot put it out

Your call
eclipses physical pain
Straightens my spine
In service to You
Anointing by eternal power
Holiness of God in broken vessel
Yet renewed day by day
As Living Water
I yield to Your flow
The I seek lowest ground
You in ascendancy.

 

Here is what a singing bowl sounds like:

Advent Illustration

“Here am I, stuff of earth” is what I posted yesterday.

Today I’d like you to see illustration I made to go with the poem.

advent

When our Savior was born He was placed in a manger where the animals usually fed. The manger might have been a wooden log that was hollowed out to hold the feed and hay. A humble beginning and the place where I await Him. Thus the overall shape above.

But the figure is me. Awaiting the Lord’s coming, His fresh in-filling, His power from on high. My heart is marked with the symbol of the cross: I am His forever. I am placed there as an infant. I am His child. I do not have the answers to anything. Receptively is how I am yielded for His will and ways for me. His power, courage and propulsion to fill me in making His dreams for me come true. May my very life be a gift to Him this Christmas and always.

Advent Season

Advent is the church season that begins this year on December 2. Some traditions just begin December 1 annually. In the church it is a season of preparing to receive the Lord anew into our hearts. The site Crosswalk.com (https://www.crosswalk.com/special-coverage/christmas-and-advent/when-does-advent-start.html) writes:

“Advent marks the start of a season of preparation that looks forward to the celebration of Christmas and the second coming of Christ. It is a time of reflection in preparing our hearts for the coming of Christ—we remember how our Savior humbled Himself to be born as a baby and live among those He would save. We remember the perfect life He lived doing the will of His Father, His sacrificial death on the cross, and how He was raised from the dead three days later, having paid the penalty in order to save all who would believe. Christians remember Jesus’ promise to return again one day and restore everything fully. This season invokes feelings of expectation and hope!

The word Advent comes from the Latin adventus, meaning “arrival” or “coming” from the word advenire (ad- “to” venire “come”). Advent is a reminder of how the Jewish people waited for the Messiah and how Christians and Messianic Jews wait for the second coming of Christ, today.”

I wrote this years ago about my own Advent experience. I try to renew the practice every year!

Advent © 1993-2014 Molly Lin Dutina
Here am I, stuff of earth
But by the Spirit’s power rebirth
has brought me receptivity.
Fill me with Yourself.

Molded by Your Holy Hand
I wait before You
Cupped and ready,
cleansed, atoned
waiting for Your radiant touch
Virtue compelled to enfold Your own
the vessel of Your making.

Here am I, stuff of earth
yielded for Messiah’s birth
be it unto me, O Lord,
as in Your word and will.

The Great I AM
dwells in my heart
there to impart the power
courage and propulsion for
His dream to be fulfilled.

Check in tomorrow with more about the illustration I made and its meaning.

 

Dropped Gowns

Dropped Gowns © Molly Lin Dutina 18-11-2

Photos by Robert M Dutina
As of the latest rain and wind
The trees have dropped their gowns
Of red and brown and gold
The change of seasons is profound
Skies of gray
Grass carpeted with fallen leaves
Air refreshed by northern breeze
Summer’s hold has been broken
Cooler temperatures
encroach upon the power bill
to maintain comfort in houses

DSCN6948

Change me too, with this new season
Help me transfigure into the plan You
Have held all along
Not jumping to negative conclusions
Adapting with wait and see attitudes
Praise more
Know myself as
a wanted cherished child

Now sixty-eight years and a few days older
Yet Your child always

DSCN6946

Provisions

Provisions©1979 Molly Lin Dutina

And I fought to find a way.
I hungered after truth.
I thirsted for a refreshing drink.
Philosophy was like drinking dust.
The occult left me anxious and more needy inside.
My own will was never satisfying for very long.
Books were filled with only words, words, words.
My baggage was a heavy burden,
Filled with unforgiveness and self-deceit.

suitcase-clipart-heavy-1

And now … I seek to find His way
Though all the circumstances that occur
But I no longer hunger and thirst,
(Unless I want to)
For provisions have been made for me
by Jesus
through the Holy Spirit
directly to God

I needn’t look to myself for the answers.
No other person can show me the way wholly
All I seek is God’s will
He provides the Bread of Heaven for me
With rivers of Living Water within
And the Way is there
He goes before me
Leaving food and drink
gifts for my soul along the path

He is my Scout
A Holy Guide
Through the wilderness of humanity
To the Godhead

Can I seek to serve any others
With Jesus carrying my suitcase?

Smasonite

He not only gave me new luggage
He filled it with armor and food

travel-suitcase
Wisdom beyond all my books
All delights of nature
Treasures of Heaven
Beyond old beliefs

 

Our Trysting Place

The photo for my Trysting place is in the city. The treetop shows a dense shelter. The tree in the bustle of Southern California is meant to signify that I can go to my meeting place with the Risen Christ in any location.

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Trysting Place Tree © 2011 Molly Lin Dutina

I cannot take a camera to our trysting place
My attempts to draw it are incomplete
You meet me there in a sturdy platform room
protected, sheltered, made from the wood of Your cross
and also like the palm of Your hand
where You fold Your wings of love around me

The wooden floor of the platform tree
is always smooth and comfortable
no splinters, fine weather
leaves dancing in holy wind
my joy to be there

I stand, lie, sit, sing, weep, wait
and always You are there

Occasionally I must place myself
upon the altar table
Your soul correction treatments are
swift and sweet when I yield to You
I can make myself miserable imagining what might happen
if I yield to you.
Awfulizing is never a clear mirror of truth.

When I get centered in silence
we often travel down the center of the trunk
as if by elevator
arriving at the stream of living water
that nourishes the tree
refreshes my soul
brings to my being all things I need

My surrender to this trysting place is sometimes jagged,
prolonged, not smooth or graceful

Yet once I give myself to the quiet and arrive
I always ponder
what spawned my reluctance?

 

You Know Not How

Not How, I AM © 2013 Molly Lin Dutina

The snows cover the earth
you know not how
The life quickens in the bulb
you know not how
The trees sprout and bring forth foliage
you know not how
Light fills the dark recesses of your soul
you know not how
The Kingdom of God grows
you know not how.

How 5

Not by numbers
Not by programs
Just by My Spirit
By your love
Love that comes from Me
that you know as
The only How
I AM the ways and means
I AM Life and that more abundantly
I AM the source of your longing
I AM the answer to your longing.

Rest in Me
Let Me use you
Do not step out in your feeble ‘strength’
Only as My Spirit moves you
Move forward
I will give you light for the next step
You will know how.

How 3

My Kingdom cannot always be seen,
felt, touched, or perceived by you
yet it exists and grows and expands
you know not how
Trust that My Word is true
I will perform it
though you know not how.

How 2

The wind blows where it will
you know not how.
My Presence is often seen in retrospect
yet I AM present with you, even now
though you cannot say ‘He is here’
or ‘look there’
I AM working in, through and among you
Bring forth My will individually
then you will see a portion of How.

Serve Me first and foremost
I will show you how
Seek My face and My Kingdom
lay aside the other things
pursuits of vain glory
press into Me
make Me the Center of your life.
the Holy Spirit will bring forth life
you know not how
except that you yield to Me.

yield

Called Forth

In 1982 I awoke from a dream in the middle of the night and this prayer poured forth.

He showed me myself as a child, in a dress, crying right before the mouth of a dark cave.  Because of insensitivity in others and lack of understanding on their part and mine, part of me had chosen to enter this cave.  The spiritual sensitivity He gave me at an early age was so hindered and the hindrance caused me so much pain I had chosen to bury it.

So here is this child in a yellow dress with smocking or lacework on the bodice, crying at the entrance to this cave. But the very fact that I see this child shows me that the Lord God Almighty has brought her out of the cave – much as He did Lazarus.  By the word of His being He has brought her forth.  She is tear-stained and a bit soiled but alive by His grace. Now He desires to cleanse and nurture, sustain and strengthen, establish and confirm this part of my being. Have Your own way, Lord. Be it unto me according to Your will. I have been living it out ever since.

Called Forth From The Cave© Molly Lin Dutina 3-7-82

I have been told so many things
And dealt so many blows.
But now my heart begins to sing
An old song, soft and low.

He’s taught me by His word and way
The first few miles of loving.
I’ve many lessons yet to learn
But first I must begin.

Our culture and sophisticated ways
just keep us from each other.
Barriers come into play
where open meadows belong.

My soul is crowded about
by specters of loneliness.
The risk of vulnerability has become
more inviting than the haunt of ISOLATION.

It is as though I am breaking out
of an ancient inner prison.
I must get close to as many as will let me.
The risk is not to be counted.

We’ve got to touch,
we’re not so unalike.
We are all made in His image,
but we are not our own.

DSCN4903

Like calls unto like,
deep calls unto deep,
And the power of His Spirit
is knitting us together.

The pleasures of His bounty
are not to be hoarded – but shared.

How can we assume
to participate in His Spirit
behind a crumbling wall of self?
Jesus walks through walls.

In some ways, I am scared
of investing my mina ($1.50),
But I tremble at the thought of just
burying this in Jesus’ name.

Father, You have called me to this,
slowly, as I crept from the mouth of that cave.
You alone can put me over.
To You I belong.

Show me how to be Your child,
how to represent You well.
I look for help to none other,
teach me, as You did Your Son.

You alone have made me worthy,
You alone will see me through.
Help me with Your love and mercy,
deep compassion, grace and truth.

Now I stand before You yielded.
Make me into something new.
You have plans
now please reveal them.
Show me how to touch and move,
give me holy eyes to see with,
Holy ears and holy hands.
help me learn to only speak when
I have heard what You command.

Others may not understand,
few will ever know.
I’m willing to live by Your plan,
You are the final goal.

My intimacy with You
will affect those in this realm.
I’m burdened by this bounty
I’ve collected from Your stores.
Show me where to give it
so I can discover more.

 

 

 

Photo by Robert M. Dutina

At The Sea

At the Sea © 1997

Distant silver horizon
Birthed by Your Light
Breaks through leaden skies
Enlightens slate-colored seas
Calls me to You
Closer to You
Given over to You
Nothing withheld.

DSCN5147 (2)

And I yield to You
To lie in Your arms
Imbibing Holy Breath
Entire being – renewed.

Your sparkling glow
Moves rapidly across the expanse of water
To here and now
You surround me
Uphold me
Indwell me
Live through me.

How could I ever hesitate
Preferring dim to illumined?
You enlighten me
Flaws, shortcomings,
Weaknesses, strengths and all.
Fact: You love me.
Fact: You desire me
You declare I am Yours.

Like sudden deep piles of shells
Buried, unseen yesterday
Revealed today by the powerful tide
Your Kingdom unfolds before me and
Yes, Lord, I yield
Knowing You go with me
And will arrive ahead of me
Have my life in Your scarred hands.

Abiding under Your wing
Your Light fills the throne room
And I must close my eyes
To bear Your brightness
O, All-Powerful Lord,
I refuse to doubt Your methods
Your holy mercy endures
As You bathe me
In Your everlasting Love.
Come my King
O Light Eternal
Bring forth the treasure
You have hidden within me
As I embrace Your will
Illumine me.

 

Photo by Robert M. Dutina

 

We All Need Prayer

I think I wrote this poem in 1978. I was just learning about the power of prayer.  For many years I have served as an intercessor on behalf of the church and the sentiment remains true. Hope it brings you encouragement.

Intercession ©1978 Molly Lin Dutina
Please hold my hand
and go with me
to the Throne of Grace.

I need, I hurt, I ache
seems all that I can say.
Please use your objectivity
to plead for me my case.

He has, He knows, He heals.
Come with me to that place.

And as His Spirit takes us
to the very heart of God,
we’ll return with rejoicing
Knowing,
that He knows
and is moved
to help us obey.

In Ireland we saw this cross at Clonmacnoise. It is embellished with Celtic art. I was deeply impressed by the image of the hand of God upholding the arm of the cross.

Hand of God enhanced (2)

Butterfly Living

The Krohn Conservatory had a yarn bomb display at the butterfly show this year! With my love for crochet and butterflies I had to begin this post with both.

IMG_1397The photo below shows so many stages of butterfly metamorphosis. The caterpillar hanging in the “J” shape is about to spin the chrysalis. The empty shell behind the caterpillar has already had a butterfly hatch out. The blackish chrysalis is about to open. The green chrysalis-es always amaze me with the gold dots! Really, Gold? I do not recall seeing that in any other part of nature. The hanging butterfly has just hatched and is still pumping up it’s wings. IMG_2346

Then Bob got to hold one on his finger!IMG_2340

He took her to a begonia to rest.IMG_2338IMG_2337

And here she is in all her glory before she took flight!

IMG_2334

Butterfly Living © 1982 Molly Lin Dutina
Butterfly living
Now that’s for me!
Glory bound and
Incredibly free.
Made to be
A joy to Thee.
Strengthen me for
The wings of liberty.

Eleven Fifty-three Post Meridiem © 1985 Molly Lin Dutina

Salvador Dali did the painting. I did the poem. Hope you are not familiar with the topic!!

 

Night time and the Unresolved
Come marching to my bedroom
Tramping through my head
Hurling accusationsSalvador-Dali-Melting-Clocks
Quoting words once said
Reason takes a low profile
While logic flees the scene
Where is the solution
For circumstances now turned mean

Never, shoulds, and woulds
Paint dismal, hopeless scenes
Understanding vanishes
Deep each insult bleeds.

Forgiveness is the answer
That makes the war to cease.
Let it go. Let go. Release.
Present moment calls to me
Be NowHere in God’s sweet peace

A song can be resung
The past can’t be undone
But pouring in forgiveness
The fall-out is made numb

Come to here and now
Feast on today’s plenty
In gratitude for all
Dare to now drink deeply
From streams of joy and love

We are granted
Only to
“Live our lives by moments”
Aren’t we now

Moon Glows on From 1992

As the full moon approaches I am reminded of this poem. Hope you enjoy it!

Moonlight © 1992 Molly Lin Dutina

The blue/black velvet sky is
punctuated by brilliant stars.
Their brightness is not diminished
by the astonishing shine of the moon.
Even the shopping center lights
cannot detract from moon glow.
Everything casts a shadow
as the moon shines on and on.

On the horizon broiling veil of clouds
emit a surprising flash of lightning
and still the moon is not lessened.
Alarming lightning, for this is just February
and still the moon shines on and on.

DSCN6493

Periodically last year’s leaves
rustle in the breeze
as the clouds gain height and breadth.
The moon highlights them with glory
and the cloud bank draws nearer.
Suddenly we moderns understand our
forefathers’ fear of moon madness.
The edge of the boiling tempest
is clearly in view and brilliant
as the moon shines on and on.

One great flash tries to conquer moonlight
then lightning queerly halts.
Cotton balls at night
of height clearly cumulonimbus,
who has heard of such midnight madness?
Star punctuations gleaming and fading
but the moon shines on and on.

Clad in pajamas
wrapped in a blanket
male adult earthling
dances all barefoot
as God of the Universe
chooses to delight him
with night show of glory
this midwinter evening.
Ecstasy of the ages
holds man’s rapt attention.
As boy-child emerges
delight and wonder blossom.

One gray fellow, loose from the pack
tries a solo conquer of Night Sun grandeur,
but moonbeams silently pierce him.
The roiling storm thins to an edge.
Mankind’s light is muffled and trapped
as sky fills with gossamer
almost fog-like pink shroud.
Gallant moon shines on.

DSCN6489

Edge of the blanket
snuggles over star lights
sleepy light-years away.
Chill of storm wind
pushes me to find my comforter
as toes and fingers, tips of ears
remind me this is winter still.
I stand determined
watching clouds come marching
pantomime in the heavens
for the watchful to review.

Without a sound
bright moon vanishes
but as clouds keep advancing
moonbeams break through the darkness
far beyond the horizon
encircling even storm dark
in light beyond my view.

As I stumble in dazed awe
and wonder with amazement
at God’s joyous light show
the storm says “I triumph”
but my better self knows
as I go inside my domicile,
even now, moon glows on and on.

Stand and Tip

I chose the name Stand and Tip for this blog because that is what I have been asked to do! In 1990 at the Cincinnati Nature Center I was doing a meditation where you simply Look and Listen when I heard this poem. Years later I was asking the Lord for light on my path forward and I heard “Perhaps I could ask you just to be a lily leaf, Stand and Tip?” So following the wisdom in this poem, I am trying to reflect that process in this blog.

Perhaps I Could Ask You ©1990 Molly Lin Dutina
Lily pads at the pond
Grow on stalky stems
Leaves unfold an opened palm
Cupped at center point
Summer shower starts to drop
Mercurial glistening spheres
Gathering in the center spot
‘til bulbous weight smears silver drops
Into glistening globs
And tips the leaves so full
To pour their contents overboard
And rising from the spill
Stately shielded lily-hands
Begin the cycle once more

Keep my stem flexible, Lord
My hands open and cupped
Eager to receive Your all
Questioning not Your skill
Only trusting the power of Your love
To melt my rigid will

Drench me Lord
In Your shower of love
Let me gather and drink my fill
Then spill over on those around
And rise to await Your will

Send water of Your Spirit
To tip me over, pour me out
Then wash over me once again
Fresh cleansing by Holy Words

Shine Your light through
This enshrouding mist
Color me with covenant this:
Abiding presence and constant love,
Indwelling grace that conquers sin
Transfigured rigid I
Yielded and bent
In Your service
Spilling forth rivers of living water
And giving rest to croaky voiced frogs
Who, when Spirit-kissed,
Become priests and kings
Singing their praises to You.

Perhaps You ask me just to be Your lily leaf,
Stand and tip

mercurial spheres

Since 1990 the lotus pond at the Nature Center has lost most of it’s plants. They used to stand upon 2-3 foot stalks! I was so grateful Bob and I could find the negatives from those photos we took so long ago!